All About Insanity, Stupidity and Tequilla
Dienstag, November 23, 2004
Brief Warmth
I've been at the beach
It was a wonderful feeling
The lapping waves, the sun and the warmth
It was brief
And now I'm back here
The shivering cold and gloom
But hey, look!
I've got some sand on my shoes!
It's not much and it didn't bring me back to the beach
But it does bring my memories back
The lapping waves, the sun and the warmth
And it's enough to bring back my smile
So I won't shake it off
I'll put it in a small glass jar instead
So I can look at it anytime I want to
So I can think about
The lapping waves, the sun and the warmth
-rv
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 3:20:38 PM |
Montag, November 22, 2004
Oma Non - My Model and My Partner
Going back to almost 20 years ago, where Oma (as I used to and still call her) was still around us. Some of my memories of Oma are what you may call, a small child’s memory – meaning, I’m not sure if they really did happen or were they just my imagination playing tricks on my mind, since some of them are quite ‘blurry’. :)
However, what I do remember distinctly about Oma is her determination and of course her energy. I never knew how old she had been when I was little, but seeing things from a little kid’s perspective, she’d come to me as very old indeed. :) It never occurred to me as a little girl then, but now when I think about it, she was always full of life and fun.
I know I always enjoyed the morning walks with Oma to the market, because then she’d buy me some jajanan when we got there. The walk home, however, was always too tiring for me since we always had to walk up this slope, which was pretty steep for me then. As there was no KWK’s yet then, I’d always whine and ‘merengek’ (which is the same thing) to Oma that my feet were sore or that I was too tired and all sorts of excuses a little kid could find. Oma, with no trace of annoyance whatsoever, would always encourage me to keep on going, that we would be home in no time. I don’t know why, but I have this image of Oma squinting and covering her eyes from the sun with her right hand printed very clearly in my mind.
I always liked her stories – or was that Omi? :) I guess Omi took over the story telling job after Oma. Well, both of them were/are gifted storytellers. And I liked her smell, baunya oma-oma. :) Somehow her scent is very homely. Whenever we took a nap together she’d snore and wake me up with her snores, and I’d just stare at her and inhale her scent.
Afternoons with Oma in front of the TV while waiting for Omi and Daddy to come home were funny. The programmes we’d watch would be cartoon, of course, and she’d explain to me why this and that happened in the series, but I never believed her. :) And sometimes I wouldn’t understand what the characters were saying because Oma would always talk and talk and talk. And when it came to the part where the bad character got punished, one word would always come from Oma over and over: “Hah! Tobat!” :)
I always wondered – even until now I still do wonder – what Oma had in her canvas (were they canvas?) bags, which she always had with her. She even brought them to the market. Can anyone tell me? :)
Well, I guess I should count myself lucky to actually get to spend some time – although short – with my great grandma. Not many people get that chance, and I’m glad I did. I think Oma and I made a great team together! :)
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 6:39:33 PM |
Thought of The Week
Everything comes and goes, this, we all know. What we probably don’t know yet is that everything happens for a reason. Not everybody believes this, though. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. But when I sit down and give some minutes to ponder about it, it makes the perfect sense in the world.
I would not have gotten to where I am, had I not done the things I’ve done. If you just glance through this sentence, it will mean nothing to you. It won’t even make any sense. But then if you’d just sit and think about it for a while, you’ll see that this sentence isn’t a non-sense at all. I felt so lonely last night and just sat in my living room and wrote this sentence down and I spent half the night just staring at it and everything simply jumped out on me.
All I’ve ever done in the past, the things that happened to me years ago, months, weeks, days, even hours before came back, flooding my thoughts. I laughed and cried last night more than I’ve ever had in my whole life. Not a single thing I regret, although at some point I did think that, had I done something differently, maybe it would have turned out differently as well, maybe even better. But you never know, these things happened to me for a reason. Some reasons I could comprehend, and some are too difficult for me to fathom, and I guess I’ll never know the answer.
I’m not the type who simply accepts what God or Fate gives me. But I do accept that there are some things that I cannot change. That’s why at times like these the Serenity Prayer is the most suitable for me. So I just kneel down and whisper to my Lord silently:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
And wisdom to know the difference.
-rv
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 11:39:56 AM |
Donnerstag, November 11, 2004
Why Do You Fall In Love?
We all want to fall in love.
Why?
Because that experience makes us feel completely alive,
where every sense is heightened,
and every emotion is magnified.
Our everyday reality is shatteredand we are flying into the heavens.
It may only last a moment, an hour, or an afternoon,
but that doesn't diminish its value,
because we are left with memoriesthat we treasure for the rest of our lives.
- From the movie "The Mirror Has Two Faces" -(starring Barbara Streisand)
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 5:35:17 PM |
Montag, November 08, 2004
Another Story Which Doesn't Have A Title Yet
She may look like the happiest person on earth. She may have a big grin spread over her face everytime you see her. She may be laughing out loud most of the time and seem not to care about anything. She may look like a perfectly content girl who has everything going her way in life.
But if you'd just take a second, just a split second, to really look deep into her eyes, you'll see that she's not that happy after all.
She's a girl who pretends to be happy, who actually struggles with her live, struggles to just keep alive and to keep breathing and to keep walking. Here's a true fact about her, a fact that nobody knows: she's lonely. Sure she's got friends, loads of them. She's met lots of people who have smiled warmly at her, but she's never found anyone, not one, who'd truly smile from their hearts. The few that have in fact really truly loved her have hurt her and they didn't stay.
Too many times has she been left alone. Too many times has she wept with no one beside her to wipe the tears off of her face. She's tried so hard to make things work, all the time, but her efforts were never enough. They always want more. Nothing is good enough for them. She's tried so hard to please everybody, but everybody is simply insatiable and nothing ever suffice.
Can you hear her? Calling out from the darkness underneath the blankets of fake happiness and laughters. Open up the ears of your heart and look closely; is she really the happiest girl on earth?
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 9:41:41 PM |
It's A Lot And Getting Too Much To Handle
Sometimes I feel like just stepping up and jump over the edge
Just to fall and forget about it all
But then what awaits down there terrifies me too
If I could get the image out, then I'll definitely do it
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 5:24:34 PM |
Freitag, November 05, 2004
What Happened?
What happened to Communication?
What happened to Monogamy?
What happened to Angel?
What happened to I Love You?
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 7:37:35 PM |
Donnerstag, November 04, 2004
Just A Story From The Heart
Dear you,
I have a confession to make. I haven't been very honest with you. But I've done that simply because I didn't want to hurt you or see you getting hurt. Besides I don't have the heart to tell you. And now I still don't know how to break it to you.
I love you. There's nothing in this world that I wouldn't give just to be with you. Nothing feels better than being with you and in your arms. You make me feel so safe and secure. How can something that feels so right be wrong? But it is wrong! I shouldn't love you! At least not until I've cleared everything out of this little black heart of mine.
Like I said, I don't want to hurt you. How can I ever hurt you? After all you've done for me. After all the things that we've gone through, together, side by side, all the laughter, the pain, the ups and the downs. I never want to lose you but I know I can't have you either. You said it yourself. Too many times have u reminded me that we cannot be, that we're just wasting our time. I didn't want to believe that, I wanted to believe that love conquers all - even the hardest, firmest rock that's planted deep into the earth. But now that I'm beginning to see the logic, how can I make you do the same, without having to slash your tender heart out? I love you.
Yes, I love you. But where are you? I can't help but think that you've changed, that somehow you've distanced yourself from me. Please, I don't want to feel so used and I don't want to feel insecure either. I'm just an ordinary girl with nothing to offer you but my heart. And I beg you to take it with both of your hands and take good care of it. 'Cuz if you break it, you'll leave me with no heart at all, and how should I live without it?
I love you. I don't want to lose you. Don't hurt me. I don't want to hurt you. God, I need You to wipe these tears away...
"It's just a story, friends. A story which isn't meant to be understood - at least not for those who don't understand me well enough, which will be NO ONE - just read it and enjoy it."
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 10:33:20 AM |
Mittwoch, November 03, 2004
I'm Back
Hello everyone...
Here I am... Back in Austria... Back in Vienna... Back to The Reality. I had a good time in Rome. It was like a dream which I didn't want to wake up from. Alas, everything that's good has to end, and so does my Roman trip.
In those 6 days I was away from Vienna, I had the best time of my life. Not a single worry clouded my minds, I didn't think of the people in Vienna who were giving me a hard time. I ditched all my bitterness and left them where they're supposed to be: Vienna.
It's not gonna be easy now to face The Reality again. I think I've grown used to my time in Rome. But I'm gonna try. I can't live in dreams all the time... Although I will still hope that my dream will come true one day... Only this one particular dream, then I'll be the happiest girl on Mother Earth. ;)
-rv-
posted by Apink a.k.a. Bubbzy
at 4:17:59 PM |
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